You, above everyone else, play a crucial role with a woman who is having a hysterectomy. More than likely you have intimate knowledge of whatever illness has lead her to her decision to have a hysterectomy. You have been part of the possible effects of the illness such as the inability to have sex, scheduling events around her menstral cycle, paying for medical tests to name a few. Most couples hope surgery will be the end of an illness that interupts their lives. This can be an emotional time. It is important that you have an open and honest communication at this time. A hysterectomy is, for some women, a very personal thing. In this article we try to dispell some myths about hysterectomy and offer you, the partner, some extra information to help you preparing for the surgery and recovery.

Myths

She is no longer a woman. This is an idea that comes from very narrow minded people. A women's reproductive organs do not define her as a women any more than a mans reproductive organs define him as a man. A woman or a man is defined by the whole person.

Other people can tell by looking at her that she has had a hysterectomy. This is just not true. Can you tell if a person has had their gallbladder removed? One in three women have had a hysterectomy by age 65. Look around you can you pick them out?

She will no longer be able to have sexual intercourse She won't be able to have sexual intercourse for about 6 weeks (depending on the healing process). After that she will be able to resume intercourse the same as before her hysterectomy.

Sexual intercourse will feel different to me. The vagina can be shortened during surgery. In most cases this is not a notable difference, especially where the cervix has not been removed.

She isn't going to be the same She may not be the same. This is major surgery. Some women have to take HRTs (hormone replacement therapy) and that may take some getting used to. In most cases a woman's overall health is improved because the problem that lead to the hysterectomy is gone. So she may not be the same, she may be better.

This can be a very confusing and frustrating time. You have not only your partners emotions to deal with but your own emotions as well. We will give you the same advice we give women facing surgery, TALK. Talk to a trusted friend or family member, but most importantly talk to your partner. You too will have to accept not having any, or anymore, biological children together. Taking off time from work, making arrangements for someone to watch any children and overall surgery preparation is extremely stressful. Take some time with your partner. A quiet evening out, or even a few days away before surgery is a good idea. It will give you time to just be together and talk and/or share a bit of romance before surgery. When talking to your partner, be honest. Many partners don't talk about real concerns they have before surgery and this doesn't help the woman or the relationship. It is common to think about things such as: What will you do if the woman dies as a result of surgery?. (note: the percentage of deaths from a hysterectomy is very low) How will you handle her being in pain after surgery? How will you take care of the children while she is recovering? These question should be discussed before surgery, as well as any other concerns you have. You will find it will make you both feel much better.

Surgery

The day of surgery is always nerve racking. This is a good time for some extra hand holding. This is good for both of you. Make sure you are clear on any wishes your partner has in advance. An example of this is: One woman wanted to speak to the doctor before her family did. It was arranged beforehand that the doctor would only tell the family she came through the surgery okay, and would only talk about specifics with the patient after recovery. Some women would rather have the doctor speak to her partner or other family members while she was in recovery. As it has been stressed before it is very important to follow whatever the wishes of the patient is whether you agree or not.

The hospital stay

The days in the hospital are are usually from two to four days depending on the type of surgery and any complications. It is a very unsettling time for the woman. She is usually in pain right after surgery and still groggy from the anesthesia. You can act as a good go between for your partner. Nausea and vomiting are common after anesthesia. Have a bucket handy and, if the doctor says it is okay, maybe even a cup of ginger tea for nausea. If her pain meds are not working, or there are any other problems, notify the nurses. As she gets moving around more just being there is helpful. (Once again listen carefully to what her wishes are) Some women want to be left alone to rest, others would prefer to have someone with them all the time. It is a good idea to have your schedule set in advance so that if she would like you to be with her you can be. It is also important that you take care of visitors whether they come to visit or call. Let the woman decide what she would like to tell people. Some people don't mind sharing intimate details, where others prefer to keep things private. If she is not up to visitors see that she doesn't have any. Remember the whole goal here is to begin recovery, people who truly care about her will understand that. This goes for children as well. A gentle explanation of "Mommy is very tired today" should be used over forcing her to have them visit.

Coming home

Recovery usually lasts about six to eight weeks. Full recovery can take up to one year. The first two weeks are very important and any household tasks should be the responsibility of someone else. This goes especially of small children. Her only responsibility should be recovery, which means rest and relaxation. Keeping the house calm is a good idea as stress can affect recovery.
It is not uncommon that a woman will feel sad at about two weeks after surgery. Crying and feeling blue can show up on and off for several weeks after surgery. This is a normal part of recovery. It is also not uncommon for you to find yourself feeling a bit down after the surgery as well. The pre-surgery stress as well as taking on extra responsibility can wear on everyone. If you find you are really having a hard time. Get help. Ask a friend to help clean the house, do dishes, help with any children etc. Get out for awhile, take a walk, sit down with your partner and watch a movie whatever you need to do to take a break. You should take extra care of yourself during this time, for both of you.

Six to eight weeks of recovery

By now things are getting back to normal for your household. A woman can usually resume driving around two to three weeks (longer for manual transmissions) She can start doing more activities, such as household things. A note of caution is warranted here. Not all women heal at this pace, if she is still not feeling up to certain tasks it is important not to make an issue of it. Fatigue is not uncommon even after several months and complications can slow recovery. Lifting may be difficult for several months, as lifting pulls on the area of the abdomen where the uterus was. Feeling blue, on and off, also is not uncommon even several months after surgery. This can be the after effects of surgery or possibly hormone imbalance. If these feelings persist it is wise to encourage her to talk to her doctor.