Friends can be an incredible help both pre and post surgical. There are appointments to go to, errands to run and moral support to be given. You can play a crucial part in all of this. The first thing to do is to jump in and offer your help.

Pre-Surgery

Before surgery is probably the busiest time. Most women want to get their house clean, shop for all the necessary items they will need and prepare for any other details of their upcoming surgery. For some women this is an emotional time. This is especially true of women who have a hard time accepting they will no longer be able to have children. Many of us who would have been aunts or uncles or grandparents may feel this sadness as well, but it is important that we support our friend or family member in her decision. Comments such as "Now I'll never get the grandbaby I wanted" or "Now you won't be a whole women" only add to the stress of a women facing a hysterectomy. Some women have also talked about family and friends jokingly saying "You're going to be spayed or fixed" like a cat or a dog or referring to the woman as "it". While humor is of great value during times of stress, it is probably better to leave it to the woman to show how much she is willing to joke about her surgery.

Show you care

Besides helping with errands and such, offer emotional support. If a women facing surgery wants to talk, listen. This is true of any surgery. Many people fear they will die during their operation. Although this is very disturbing sometimes, it is very common for anyone to worry about this before surgery. Some women also worry that a hysterectomy will change how they look or make them less of a women. While we know that is not true it is a fear some women have. Make sure the woman knows that her being healthy is the most important thing.

Post Surgery

Recovery on the average lasts about 6-8 weeks. Full recovery can take up to a year. This is the time when it is important to remember that no matter how good the woman looks she is still recovering from major surgery. One day she may feel great, the next awful. This is the bodies normal fluctuations during healing. If the woman has small children this is the time to either have someone there, who can take care of them, or to maybe send them to Grandma and Grandpa's house. This is true especially of the first two weeks. (In some cases, especially for very involved surgery, it can be longer.) The reason it is so important is that hurrying along the healing process can cause more problems down the road, such as adhesions, over all fatigue and infection.

Recovery

Women themselves, seem to try to rush this process along to get back to work and/or take care of the family. Encourage her not to. If the dishes in the sink are bugging her, wash them. Or tell her not to worry about them, or anything else that will make her want to be moving around more than she should. Keep in mind that the more rest and recovery time she gets in the beginning the better chance she will have of having a problem free recovery. Infection is another thing that can cause recovery problems. Even though precautions are taken to prevent infections, they sometime do happen. An infection, along with the extra stress, can slow recovery way down.

Depression and mood swings

Depending on the type of hysterectomy, and the woman's prior health, recovery can have different problems. One of the biggest ones is mood swings. This is generated from a variety of things such as, anesthesia, hormonal imbalance, medication administered in the hospital and overall stress of major surgery. Stress experienced prior to surgery can still effect a person two weeks later. Recovery alone causes a great deal of frustration. There are many reasons that can make a post hysterectomy woman go from happy to sad in the blink of an eye. The best thing you, as a friend or family member, can do is to listen. Many women who have a hysterectomy have a hard time dealing with not being able to have children anymore. This is also true of a woman who had previously decided not to have anymore. Now it is a reality and it takes some time to accept that fact. A women may cry upon seeing a baby, or emotional commercial. Be patient and supportive. The other thing is to try help the time go by. Recovery is very boring. Go rent movies (if the person is feeling down we don't recommend Old Yeller) buy a good book, play cards, anything to make the time go by faster.
(Note: When depression hangs on, or the woman expresses suicidal thoughts, proper medical intervention is needed)

Activity

All of us want to get moving around. It is hard in the beginning and can be painful. For the first week or so this is mostly the case. Offer an arm to hang onto. This is definitely true on stairs. Dizziness and/or lightheadedness is very common after surgery. If the woman gets up to go anywhere, go with them. Offer to hold onto their hand. If they refuse, as some women do, go along anyway. Saying something like "I am worried you might get dizzy" You don't need to follow them into the bathroom, but offering to wait outside the door is a good idea. This should also be taken into consideration when the women wants to take a shower. The heat of a shower, and standing up for a long period of time can cause dizziness. You can kindly offer to come and sit outside the door while they shower or to possible sit in the bathroom. Remember that for some women this is humiliating or embarrassing. Let them decide how much help they want in this area. Driving is another area of concern. A woman can usually return to driving at about 2 weeks, women who have manual shift cars should wait longer. If she is still taking painkillers at two weeks she should not begin driving again until she is no longer taking painkillers. In that period of time it is good to offer to do whatever driving she needs. If she wants to ride along that's okay, but driving should not be resumed until the doctor gives the go ahead.